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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's often caught off guard by people. Her husband walked away, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends vanished then, as they were focused solely on the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have understood more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, even though she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each left the workforce leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play between us is to listen. I start subjects and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for a while. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She really just desired me to confirm her choices. I've just returned from four weeks in that country and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to end things abruptly, yet this is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing her how it makes you feel. This allows for no argument about this. Emotions are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's wildly effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She may dismiss all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version of their life they won't release as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react like this before reflecting on your words. And should you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction from having been truthful.